So I am currently here writing this and inworld lay on my back staring skyward. Its one of those painful days where I cant seem to make anything work, both in my mind and physically. I despise these days as they are such a waste of time. I try every so often to actually get something done but usually end up deleting whatever half assed crap I just did five minutes later. These sullen moods also make me a bitch.. I have been set to unavailable now for what? .... 4 hours. I have actually been present for 3.5 of those hours I just cant find the will to be sociable. So I tell the world I went out... I suppose in a sense that is true, mentally I am out.
This is nothing new it happens on every project, usually in the final stages I sort of loose heart in a way. Its those moments of thinking "what are you doing this for girl". Its all the details...so many details. You would not believe how long I spend on fucking details.. making sure everything fits perfectly with everything else around it.... I mean seriously who the fuck spends 20 minutes figuring out if that piece of paper is in its optimum position? Yet there's a point where you sort of just snap and think is anyone really going to notice this or even care! but here you are colour matching shit and allsorts, that's while getting interrupted every five seconds. Yeah... I'm a moody bitch when I hit this final stage.
But..... there is the flip side of all this. That of course is when you get some random telling you , you did good. It doesn't quite make paper optimization any better but it makes you smile. Something I often forget.. the good things. I was telling someone yesterday about all the things I had done in the past and they said I should be proud of what I have achieved. I sat there for a moment and thought to myself ... "yeah I did okay didn't I. " I guess it all ties in... as without the time and care put in it would be something lesser , so maybe I should embrace the painful days like these and smile knowing in the end I will be glad I did bother. Who knows ....
